Your child will have learnt at an early age to hide their gender issues. They will have tried to conform to society's gender models. They may have married and had children of their own. Sometimes the mask slips and they let out signs of their gender dysphoria.
So you think something is not quite right and what should you do about it ?
Do you ask them ???? What would you ask them ??? Suppose you are wrong ??? Suppose you are right ???
General advice to those with gender dysphoria is not to tell others and not to tell their family unless they have to.
Why ? well once the "secret" is out it can never be untold. "Coming out" can have unpredictable consequences for all concerned.
Counseling can be useful, There are therapists around the country with experience of gay, lesbian and transgender counseling. Please do not be put off by the gay and lesbian connection. For many years the gay and lesbian communities have helped and supported the transgender community and share many of the same issues.
If you are worried about your child, worried about what to say to them, or not say to them, counseling can help.
There is an alternative, which is to join a support group, such as Rose's forum which has dedicated transgender people to help. It's an opportunity to find out more about transgender issues and to share your experience with other parents. You are also welcome to join the Beaumont Society ( A UK Transgender group) and the Women of the Beaumont Society. They operate help lines that may be useful for mother's of transgender people.
Your child has told you about their gender issues?
Firstly, don't panic !!!! There is a lot of support and information available for you and your child. The Internet has facilitated the development of local and national support groups, all within reach of your computer.
Secondly, talk to your child !!! This may not be easy, especially if they have spent years hiding this from you. The secrecy and breaking of trust can be very damaging to relationships. Remember that it is not their fault, it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault. By supporting your child you can help them and yourself.
Thirdly, keep what you child has told you confidential. Keeping secrets is not good, it corrodes trust. However, there is a balance to be found between maintaining confidentiality and disclosure. In general, work on a "need to know" basis. Remember that once you have passed on the information, it can never be untold.